My Foreign Lover: A Qualitative Study of Neurotypical Women in a Relationship with a Male Partner with Asperger Syndrome

Abstract

Individuals with Asperger syndrome (AS) suffer from impairments in social functioning, communication, and repetitive, stereotyped behavior. As a result, intimate relationships can often be challenging both for individuals with AS and their neurotypical (NT) partners. Nevertheless, there is a notable dearth of research regarding the experience of couples affected by an AS diagnosis (Lau & Peterson, 2011). In an effort to bolster the literature and stimulate a discussion of possible interventions, the following dissertation considered the qualitative experience of what it is like for a NT woman to be in a relationship with a male partner with AS. Thematic analysis (Braun & Clark, 2006) of archival data disclosed three superordinate themes of the NT woman’s experience, including: (1) the perception of an expectation gap, which the NT women described as the distance between their expectations and their lived experience in the relationship; (2) a continuum of relational clarity, defined as a sense of obscurity or clarity in the relationship, regarding how the NT women could effect change to the gap, particularly when the distance between their expectations and experience seemed wide; and (3) the fulcrum of change, which included any actions or attempts the NT women made in order to improve their sense of sight, and narrow the gap. Within the current study, a wider expectation gap and feelings of obscurity in the relationship were often associated with interpersonal and intrapsychic distress, whereas a narrow expectation gap and feelings of clarity were associated with interpersonal and intrapsychic well-being. Significant catalysts for narrowing the gap and improving clarity in the relationship emerged as the NT women accepted their partner’s AS diagnosis, pursued psychoeducation, and connected with a network of social and emotional support.